So. This is what's up.

Sorry again for not writing... last week of classes for this term... I'm rather busy.

Although in the past week I've been to the gym more (there were a couple days I didn't go because of big tests the following day), I'm still not where I want to be in many aspects. Last night I had a bit of a revolution... I had a feeling that I needed time to myself to think, so I shut off the computer and I let myself go with my thoughts. Here's what happened:

At first I started getting upset. Quite upset. But then I realized - it doesn't do me any good to be just sitting here upset... what is the problem? The biggest thing that was bothering me was my weight loss journey. Although I've been going to the gym, I'm still eating some things that I shouldn't be... I haven't been in the right mindset. I think I got into this bad mindset when I was at home, and my sister offered me a rice krispie square. I declined, but she said something like "come on, you've done really well! You've lost 20+ pounds! You deserve a treat once in a while!" and that was the start of it. I think after that, I stuck with it and I thought to myself "You've done really well! Have a treat!" (which granted, it's okay to treat yourself once in a while, but it became a habit, which defies the essence of it being a treat.) This was the problem. So what am I doing to fix it?

First, I needed to get back in the right mindset. I thought of my reasons for doing this whole weight loss journey. (From my first blog: There have been a few reasons for my decision. 1) I want to live a healthier life - I've grown tired of eating and living the way I have, and I am making a change. 2) I have a 6 month old nephew, and I want to be around for as much of his life as I can. 3) It feels good to be eating healthier and not weighed down with many fatty foods.) There have been some other added benefits since this as well, and I want to continue those as well. I thought of how I want to continue looking and feeling better - yes, what I've done is great, but it's not enough, I'm about 1/3 of the way through this struggle and I will NOT quit now. I thought back to a conversation that I had with someone about whether or not they thought I would pull this off - in which they gave me a high percentage of doing it, but it still wasn't 100%, and that pushed me. I pictured myself thinner... I thought of how it felt good to be loosing weight up until I sort of.... slowed down... I thought of how I want to look better in Christmas photos with my family, for my boyfriend when I see him over New Years, and most importantly, of how I want to reach my goal for me.

I know that it's time to get back into the swing of things. Here's how my day went in terms of food/drink. I brought my tea with me to school as usual. I had a banana for breakfast, and drank water when I went to work out. When I got home from working out, I put some meat in the oven and started drinking [decaf] tea of a few different flavours (#1 it helps keep me warm, #2 it fills my stomach w/ a non-calorie/non-fat liquid that helps keep me full, #3 it helps flush out my system). I had a pork chop for dinner, and a smoothie (frozen fruit, fat-free yogurt and orange juice) for "dessert". That's it. ^-^ I pushed myself harder at the gym. I burned about 370 calories on the elliptical machine and then worked out on a few of the leg workout machines (I had a needle yesterday for H1N1 and my arm is still sore or else I would have done all the machines.) I portioned myself, I ate slowly, I didn't eat til I was stuffed, I didn't snack. I'm being really hard on myself to make up for these few weeks where I lacked the initiative to do so. I know that Christmas is coming and I want to have a chocolate peanut butter ball or two... and that there will be other treats over the holidays.

There's nothing in the house that I'm not allowed to eat, and I'm going to keep it that way. No carbs. No junk food. Tea/water to drink. Meat, veggies, fruit. Until I go home for the holidays. Gym everyday (except exam days.) NO EXCUSES! When I go to visit my housemate from last year, next week, no bbt, bring food with me so that I'm not required to eat rice and/or noodles. I'm keeping in mind that I can always eat "those foods" once I've lost the weight. I'm going to be very harsh with myself until Christmas rolls around. I'm back in the game. I'm back in the mindset for sure. I will succeed. I will do this. No matter what it takes.

[♪ Work it harder, make it better, do it faster, makes us stronger! ♫]